So my beta reader really came through for me, in a BIG WAY. About two weeks ago, I sent him Chapter One–might as well start at the beginning, so he gets familiar with the characters, what happens to them, and my style of writing–and he sent it back three days ago, covered in red. He warned me there was a lot of red, but I took that as a good thing. He knew I was open to anything and everything he had to say. Like I said in my response back to him, red means improvement.
And, boy, does it ever.
My beta reader could not have dug into the three scenes of Chapter One in more depth. He examined every paragraph, every sentence, and every word. He asked me to send the file to him in Word format, and suggested we use the Track Changes feature so I could see everything he changed and every comment he made. I use Pages, Apple's word-processing application, and I'd never used the Track Changes feature in Word. So I've had to get up to speed with how it works. But that's what Word for Dummies is for. I found a copy in our local library, photocopied the relevant pages, and I was good to go.
Every single change my beta reader made–even removing a comma or period–showed up in a small window on the right-hand side of the page. The twenty-or-so page document couldn't have been more covered in these windows, which I didn't look at as daunting at all. I began reviewing each of his comments from the beginning, and spent a number of hours reading what I had originally written, comparing it to how his changes had improved my writing. As much work as this was to do this, I found it inspiring. I was thrilled my beta reader had put as much into this as I'd hoped he would, and what an opportunity for me to learn in the process, so I can take what he's shown me into the rest of my novel.
My beta reader didn't go easy on me. Here are just a few of the comments he made that called me on some of the things I'd done, or hadn't done, as the case may be:
He may be startled, but I would think there would still be an air of expectation. He seems focused, even desperate, to find love. Even after a week, I envision this guy still hoping for that phone to ring. Hope springs eternal. By establishing this at the outset, it makes David’s ultimate rejection all the more crushing for the reader as well as the main character.
Consider printing the [personal] ad here. You refer to pieces of it in the coming paragraphs but this is an example of show, don’t tell. Let the reader see this key piece of original material.
Here, I’d add more of that negative thinking we tend to go to so quickly when we feel rejected—quick thoughts about why Brian could be so easily dismissed. It will amuse the reader but also be something they relate to. Any obscure self-criticism will help define your character.
Let’s assume the reader knows this. The parenthetical is condescending. Otherwise, opt for a better known hairy reference—a Jane Goodall observation subject, Big Foot, or BJ’s buddy in BJ and the Bear.
Show don’t tell again. That campiness should come out in specific phone dialogue. Let the reader in on more of this first conversation. I’d rather hear it than hear about it. Brian can then cringe over each campy reference, then brace for the next one. It will break up all the supposed laughter in the conversation, creating a slight reservation despite the laughter and the evolving connection.
And this comment I really appreciated, because he was right:
To be honest, you’re taking the easy way out here. Telling, not showing. You keep referring to all this laughter without giving us a taste. It’s hard to write funny, but it’s essential here. Let the reader really see some promise based on David’s wit…enough to overcome the fact Brian was ready to write the guy off.
My beta reader spent so much time and effort into critiquing my work, it's as though the manuscript was his own novel. As beta readers go, you can't ask for anything more than that.
Over the past few days, I've worked hard to understand what my beta reader did, and to, at least ninety-eight percent of the time, approve every change he made. The fresh set of eyes on my writing has improved it markedly. I still have a long way to go to work through everything he brought to my attention, but, already, I see how his suggestions have elevated my work far higher than I could have done on my own.
I could not have asked for a better beta reader. As you proceed on your journey to write your novel, I hope you find one as good too. They are critical to the success of our work.
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For my original post on beta readers, please click here.
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